I want you to be the author and the main character and the hero of your own story. I want for you to experience the most deeply fulfilling, the hottest, the most wildly delightful life of your dreams. Sound good? This episode of “From Good Girl to Grown Ass Woman” podcast is for you.
You Sabotage Your Dream Life When You:
Avoid envisioning your dream life in the first place. This is fairly common- I hear clients say that the fear of “what if I can’t have it” stops them from even envisioning what they truly want. They are so afraid of disappointing themselves or being disappointed that they won’t even let themselves consider what it is they truly want.
Ask everyone else what they think you should do in your life. Other people have their own opinions, blindspots, judgements, and limiting beliefs, just like you do. Deferring to other peoples’ opinions about your life is a really effective way to give your power away.
Tell yourself “I can’t. I can’t immediately shuts down possibility. In fact, if you want to try a kind of edgy experiment with this, say out loud, “I can’t…” and follow that up with whatever it is that you really really want. For instance, “I can’t have both more money and more spaciousness in my life.” Notice how it feels in your body when you say it out loud. For me, saying that out loud feels and sounds disempowering, hopeless, and like a closed door. By the way, pro tip: if you did just try that experiment, please shake out your body somehow to help reset your nervous system.
Not prioritizing your well-being. How do you expect to be living your best grown ass life when you are sleep deprived or undernourished?
We sabotage our dream life when we Ignore our intuition. Think of a time where you had a gut feeling, but doubted or ignored it. Like that business decision you made, even though you felt off about it. Or that relationship you
Making decisions based on the past, rather than alignment with your future. Ask yourself this: What decision would the person I aim to become make? Or What’s the choice my future self will thank me for?
Hold grudges against yourself for your past choices, and choose not to forgive yourself. This one I have quite a bit of experience with. For instance, there are a series of past choices I made that I held against myself. For years. What I’ve discovered is that part of me felt that if I kept beating myself up about it, maybe that will keep me “safe”- that it would keep me from repeating what I viewed as mistakes. In reality, all it really did was keep me feeling undeserving, and low-level shitty about myself. Not helpful. If this is you, I highly recommend seeking support in forgiving yourself, so that you can let that shit go.
Tolerating “good enough,” rather than pursuing what it is you actually long for. There’s a mentality when we’re tolerating “good enough”, that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Yet if there’s something you truly desire: deep intimacy in your relationship, greater leadership and impact in your job… keeping yourself from going after it can be truly heartbreaking. Those of you who have experienced this know: it’s excruciating.
Closely related to number 8 is the Unwillingness to get uncomfortable. To say the hard thing, or do the hard thing. Sometimes we opt to remain in a known and familiar situation that is not working: a job, a relationship, a habit – where we know what to expect. We decide that familiar and dissatisfying is better than the unknown of possibility.
Hide your accomplishments and suppress your true desires, because other people might feel some kind of way about it. Here is the truth, friends: you can always find other people who feel some kind of way about you. Always. People have lots of opinions; they are none of your business. Again: what other people think of you is none of your business.
Choose a specific goal, but: Rely on willpower alone. You try to do it all yourself, without structures of support, partnership, and accountability. This is an excellent way to get ourselves burned out and not actually get to have what we desire.
Stop when you get bored. Changing a habit or pattern can be slow and tedious. It can appear that nothing is happening, until, one day, you notice all that slow, incremental change has created transformation. The goal that felt impossible last year, is now simply normal, day to day life. A client of mine once described the nitty gritty of transformational work as like putting up Christmas lights. You’re all up on it, doing the boring work, over and over, and eventually, you step back, and… tada! Look at the beauty and magic you’ve created!
13. Give up when it gets hard. It WILL get hard. Reasons and circumstances WILL occur. That does not mean you have to stop. That means pause, take a breath, get supported, reevaluate your support structures and remember why you want this so much. And then, keep going.
What are YOUR go-to saboteurs? Send me a note and let me know. And when you’re ready to get some support to move forward in that big, beautiful life of your own creation, let me know. I’ll be ready.